Telephone
by innocent passerby
Summary: Al and Ed have an interestesting conversation on the phone in Ed's office.Alternate ending to the anime, unknown to the manga


It was a normal day at work for Edward Elric. He'd just been assigned the position of Colonel from Mustang Fuhrer and he still wasn't used to keeping up with all the paperwork that came with the title. Every time he started working on a paper, something would distract his attentions from his work for as long as an hour at a time. He welcomed the said distractions with open arms.

Edward sighed loudly, straining to focus on the boring papers on his desk. He answered the phone so fast that it barely got to ring one time before he greeted the person on the other line. Edward didn't even like to talk on the phone...

"Hello, Colonel Elric speaking..."

"Hello, Niisan. How's work going?"

"Ah! Aru! It's boring as hell. I can't stare at these boring papers very long without wanting to shred them."

There was a slighty laugh on the other line. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hang up so fast earlier. That's why I'm calling now, but I can go if you're too busy."

"I'd rather stay on the phone, anything's better than this. Besides, training up your body is important."

"Will you be able to finish with all of your work?"

"Yeah, I work best under pressure."

"I know you do, Niisan."

"That's not the only thing I do best with pressure..."

"Niisan! Are you talking about what I think you're talking about?"

Edward grinned a little to himself, leaning back comfortably in his office chair. "Aru? Are you thinking that I was saying something dirty?" He was using his most innocent voice, "You're such a pervert! I meant when I am in a fight, what did you think that I meant?"

"Eh? I'm not a pervert... I did expect you were being vulgar though."

"Not a pervert? Yes you are! Lusting after your own older brother..."

"Niisan! Are you sure you want to say things like that over the phone?"

"Why wouldn't I want to say that? I've done worse..."

"What have you done?"

"Well, I've jerked off in the shower, and I've even jerked off in my office once."

"You were only given an office last week..."

"Yeah, so what are you trying to say? I wanted to test out my new, comfy office chair."

"And you're calling me the pervert..."

"It's a completely natural process, you're a perv for wanting me."

"And who were you thinking about during your little sessions?"

"Okay, fine, I was thinking about you."

"See! You're the pervert."

"Who'd you think I was thinking about? Were you getting jealous?"

"I knew you were thinking about me..."

"Oh, you sound so sure. I better watch out or you'll leave me for yourself."

"I just meant that I know you too well. You'd have started acting weird around me if you were thinking about someone else."

"Okay, point taken. Hey, Aru, how long do you think you can stay on the phone?"

"Well, I can go whenever you want to do your work again, but other than that, I have no plans for the afternoon, so I can stay on the phone. Why do you ask?"

"Hmm. I don't klnow, I guess I'm a little bored and a little lonely over here."

"You could always hang up and test out your new chair again..."

"Hm, good idea! Why do i need to hang up if I'd have more fun staying on the phone?"

"Niisan!"

"What? I was being serious. I've never had phone sex before and it sounds like it could be pretty fun."

"You're really serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I think it'd turn me on to hear you getting off too. You've got a sexy voice."

"I don't know, Niisan. I don't want to get you in trouble..."

"Don't worry about it. I wouldn't have suggested it if I was worried about getting in trouble."

"Okay, if you really want to, we can try, but only because it is turning me on a little bit to think about it."

"Hey, why don't you start a bath? Get yourself comfortable."

"I thought that this was for your pleasure..."

"Yeah, it's for both of us, and I want to focus on you first."

"Okay, Niisan... I'll get the bath water ready..."

"That's a good otouto... Mm, you know what I want to do when I get home?"

"What's that, Niisan?"

"You."

Al laughed lightly, "I see, Niisan. Me too."

"Good. Hey Aru, is the bath water ready?"

"Almost... it takes a while, you know?"

"It's taking too long..."

"Do you want me to call you back?"

"No, I want you to say something dirty."

"Hmm... you mean like how I wasn't really working out earlier and the reason why I was panting was because I was doing a little thinking of Niisan?"

"Oh, really? I thought that at first, too..."

"Yep, I didn't want to bother you at work with that, so I didn't say anything about it."

"Awww, you should have! It would have been fun..."

"Niisan, you're just perverted..."

"The bath water can't be taking this long..."

"Okay, you're right... the bath water is finishing up..."

"Now take me step by step as you take off your clothes..."

"Why..?"

"Because it's sexy."

"Okay... Well, I'm unbuttoning my shirt first... Okay, now I'm sliding it off my shoulders..."

"Do your hands linger anywhere?"

"Hm? Oh, no... not yet... Well, my shirt's on the floor now... so I'm going to unbuckle my belt... It's on the floor too, now."

"Come on, Aru... tell me something delicious..."

"O-Okay, I'll try. I've never done this before..."

"Me neither."

"Well... I'm unbottoning my pants now. Niisan, they're getting really tight because I'm thinking about you so much."

"Prrrr... see? Is that so hard?"

"No... but I am. Hey, Niisan... did you just purr?"

"...no?"

"...okay? Anyway... I'm unzipping my pants, slowly... mmm and pressing my gropey fingers against my groin a little, just to get a taste of what's to come..."

"Ah... Aru, you're doing great..."

"I'm pushing my pants down... my thighs... knees... ankles... now, I'm stepping out of the pants, because the tub looks more inviting. I'm stepping into the tub... ah, the water's hot... mmm hold on... aaah... okay, now i'm sitting in the tub."

"Damn..."

"What's wrong, Niisan?"

"I want to go home to Aru in a tub..."

"Awww, we can take a bath together when you get off work..."

"Okay... Hey, Aru... guess what."

"What?"

"My pants are on the floor too."

"Niisan! Aren't their security cameras in your office?"

"Let that damn, bastard Fuhrer watch if he wants to."

"Okay... if he tries to join in, don't let him though... okay?"

"Yeah, the door's locked."

"Okay, good..."

"Mm... Aru... say more dirty things to me..."

"But I want to hear you say dirty things too, Niisan... besides, you haven't said anything juicy yet."

"Eh? But... I'm not good at explaining things like this..."

"Neither am I, Niisan... It's only fair... Equivalent Trade, right?"

"Damn... got me there, fine. ...Hm... Since my pants are off already, I'm tracing my inner thigh with my left hand a little... you know, trying to teast myself like you do."

"That's sweet of you... I know how foreplay annoys you... Well, I'm cupping some of the hot water in my hand and I'm sprinkling it over my chest... It's nice... calming... ah... especially when it drips onto my more sensitive patches of skin..."

"Ah... Aru... tell me more..."

"Now... after the water's touched me first, I'm letting my hand follow... I like the touch of skin against skin. It would be better if it was your hands on my chest, rubbing my nipples with your fingers, but mine will be fine for now..."

"Oh... Aru... unh..."

"Oh... Niisan... I want this to be your hand moving down my abs... and teasing me by lightly touching where my hair starts..."

"Aah... mmmm Aaaaru..."

"I want you to touch me, Niisan... I want to touch myself... Can I do it? Please, Niisan...?"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

"...Niisan?"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE YOU PERVERT!"

"...Niisan?"

"Niisan..?"

dial tone

Alphonse wasn't informed until Edward returned home that the Fuhrer had personally come to Edward's office to lecture the younger alchemist about inappropriate office behavior.


End file.
